Guest Columnist: Jam Davies on Blogging

Why I Stopped Blogging And Other Unanswered Questions
By Jam Davies

I used to have a blog. Well, the blog is still there only I am not. So I should say I have a blog. I don't update it though. There's no point going to the blog I have because I don't update it. I have a blog I don't update that you should not go to because there's no point.

Why did I start the blog? I don't know. I guess I had nothing else to do. Is that why people start blogs? I don't know. Why did I stop the blog? I don't know. I guess I found something else to do.

After following Finksville's BlogTrek with casual disinterest I must confess my attempt at blogging was not a success. It would not be liked by Finksville. It would be mocked on Finksville's BlogTrek.

I only posted three times on my blog. Then I stopped. This would cause my blog to attract derision and scorn and mockery from Finksville's Blogtrek. Probably all at the same time. Finksville would probably write something like this about my blog;

I am Jam
http://iamjam.blogspot.com

Why, oh why, did I have to find this damnded awful site. I can't take this anymore. You don't know how bad it is. It is really bad. Badder than Michael Jackson when he was bad. You know back in the eighties. The site's bad but not as bad as Michael Jackson would become in the nineties when he became dangerous. Today he is neither bad nor dangerous. He was acquitted. Remember? Anyways, this site is not dangerous it is merely really, really bad. Don't visit it.

What have I done to deserve going to this site? Did I mention this site is rubbish, because it is. It seems blog owner Jam Davies is fascinated by the hunting behaviour of the domesticated cat as he manages to mention his flatmate's cat in two of his posts. That's not so bad I hear you say. Only two posts. Fair enough, it's not like he's talking about his laundry.

But people, keep this in mind. Jam Davies only lasted three posts before quitting his blog! Three measly posts. Two-thirds of his entire written output is about a cat hunting birds! Rubbish.

Woe is me for having to look at all these bad, bad sites.

If that isn't enough to make you want to gouge out your eyeballs and wish you had never heard of the internet, Jam Davies' other revelations will. For example;

"Rose, made coffee and was grumpy at 9:20 this morning"

"Did not rise till 11:04 this morning."

I must have been a very, very bad person in a previous life to have been reincarnated and have to look at these shockingly bad sites every so often. I was probably someone like a telemarketer. A real bastard evil son-of-a-gun like that. Anyways, enough of my problems, look at this guy. Wooooooo, like anyone gives a crap about what time you got up.

Except people do. What the hell is going on? Despite pathetically managing only three posts detailing a cat hunting a bird and what time he got out of bed, Jam Davies managed to attract a few regular commentators. Seriously. I cannot believe it. Do not go to this site it is awful. My life is awful having to look at these awful sites.

And for those previous BlogTrek viewers I can now reveal that, yes, Jam Davies blog did contain the riveting titbit;

"Made pancakes then looked for a job"

I sincerely hope the cat turned on him in the night and he never woke up again as I couldn't face to live another minute if he restarted this terrible, awful, really, really bad, rubbish, pathetic excuse for a blog. I am in physical pain looking at these sites. I need a holiday.

End

That's what I imagine a Finksville BlogTrek through my blog would say. I should delete my blog really. I would but I can't remember my password. If I could remember my password I would delete my blog. But I can't. Remember my password that is, not can't delete my blog. Although I can't delete my blog because I can't remember my password. These two things - passwords and deletions - are intricately linked together, making achieving both quite impossible. Unless I can remember my password. Which I can't. The blog lives on.

***Karl Puschmann is on holiday lazing on a beach. Finksville thanks Jam Davies for his contribution but warns against visiting his blog site. It really is rubbish.