BlogTrek: The Search for Fink - Part I

I am not alone. In the massive wastelands that makes up the awfully titled "Blogosphere" there was bound to be more than one person claiming the Fink handle - either as their username or in their title. So I decided to do what anyone with too much time on their hands would do. I would hunt them down like dogs, check out their sites and then return to Finksville and review them.

Mine is a noble quest. I'm hoping to find the spiritual brothers and sisters of Finksville. Sites that are not only interesting but also share some kind of universal bond with the goings on here. I'm hoping to find a common link between all those that take on the Fink mantle, and I'm hoping to find some new sites to read, and subsequently link too.

I mean, it only stands to reason. If we're all so cosmically attuned as to choose variations on the same name then surely all our sites will have something in common. Well, that's the theory I'm working with anyway.

So cue the music, it's now time to boldly roam the "Blogosphere" in search of Fink.

BlogTrek begins with a possibly gratuitous shot of the Starship Enterprise

Da Fink
http://dafink.blogspot.com/

My search did not start well. Da Fink was a short-lived sports site about the American baseball team the Chicago Cubs. Maintained by Sarah Finkle, who must be "Da Fink", the site consisted of three photos of Chicago Cubs players and three truly awful sentences chronicling a Cubs game.

Possibly qualifying for the shortest blog of all time Ms. Finkle's site lasted all of one day, with all four of the sites posts appearing on the same fateful Tuesday afternoon.

Ms. Finkle lists her location as "Sports City", and, as if you hadn't guessed by all the photos of Chicago Cubs players, she loves the Chicago Cubs. But, in case you did miss it, Sarah Finkle has "I LOVE CHICAGO CUBS" typed in bold letters beside her photo to avoid any confusion.

Her brief report on the game she attended - under the headline "News" - contains the worse sentence I have ever had the misfortune to read. Now I'm gonna make you read it.

Are you ready? Here it comes;

"Hope ya'll have a gr8 sukkos vaca!"

I have no idea what that means. None. But I hope she had a gr8 sukko vaca too. And now I wish you a gr8 sukko vaca as well.

Fink on 45
http://finkon45.blogspot.com/

My search continued to not go well. Another dead site. Although this site was about rock music, not sport, there were similarities between the two sites.

1:They were both dead sites.
2:They both closed up shop after returning and reporting on an event. In Fink on 45's case it was a Gang of Four reunion concert.

However, the improbably named Homer Fink did last five months, around twenty posts, and 533 hits before packing it in.

The Fink Is In
http://bartonfink5.blogspot.com/

My search stopped continuing to not go well and began to go disastrously awful instead. Despite claims to be in, the Fink was out and had been for some time.

More a desperate cry for love and comments than anything else, The Fink Is In makes for hilariously depressing reading.

Peter from St Louis describes his site as "some musings about my daily life and observations i make about the world in which i live.". Note the small i. Such low confidence.

Anyways, Peter mused and observed for a whopping four posts, two of which were posted on his "inaugural blogging" day. The other two posts he managed to drip-feed onto his site over a period of five months. Five months!!!

On his fourth and final post in February of this year Peter finally admitted;

"i have no real insights at the current moment".

No shit.

Think Fink
http://leefink.blogspot.com/

My search showed no signs of letting up its pace of truly terrible sites. Think Fink was "A Blog on the activities of Lee Fink for Redondo Beach City Council".

The initial post is an ominous sign of things to come and is titled "Opposed". It announces that hopeful council candidate Lee Fink will in fact be opposed in the upcoming council election, despite the wide reaching media coverage reporting that he wouldn't.

This thrilling election race coverage starts in December 2004 and carries through to March 2005. Along the way candidate Fink encourages people to "Read More on the Issues" and brings us "More on the Budget". He also wants people to "remember to Think Fink!".

Unfortunately for candidate Fink his story does not have a happy ending. The site's final headline is a despondent "What's Next?" and begins with this devastating sentence;

"Tonight, we were unsuccessful in our efforts to win this election"

Thus bringing hopeful-council-candidate Lee Fink's adventures in blogging to a close.

i.fink
http://www.irene-fink.de/

Please make it stop. I suspected my BlogTrek may turn up some bad sites but this is getting out of control.

i.fink is the site of Irene Fink who is German. What this means is that her site is in German and I could not read it. So even though I couldn't understand a word of her site I know it is rubbish. I also know i.fink can easily stand up and proudly hold its head up high amongst the other shit-awful sites I've highlighted here today.

Whereas an hour ago I thought Da Fink was possibly the shortest blog of all time, I can now say that Sarah Finkle's blog is an epic work of unmatched proportions compared to what I've seen here at i.fink.

Despite going to all the trouble of adding an archive, RSS feeds, links to "bloggy" type sites like WordPress, a pretty picture of a lovely garden and search bar functionality, Irene Fink only managed ONE post.

But it's in German, I hear you say. How do you know that one post is so god-damn-awful if you can't even read it? For all you know Irene Fink could be sharing the secret of life, the universe and everything, cracking the DaVinci code and sharing a recipe for a tasty Ravioli in that one solitary post. She obviously went to a lot of effort so her post that you're shamelessly mocking could very well be a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.

Well, if you were to say all that to me, I'd have to say that you were almost right. Irene Fink's one post is a recipe for a tasty Ravioli.

Wot I Fink
http://wordzwordzwordz.blogspot.com/

Finally my search revealed a Fink related site that is still alive and kicking. Sadly, it's not the kind of site I'll ever visit again.

And here's why; "Where the real voice of socialism meets the 'Real World' ". I don't even know what that means. I seem to be saying that a lot today...

The real voice of socialism is a chap called Eeore, from Bradford in the UK, and he has this to say about his site; "I'm a performance poet and script writer, and this blog is intended to give you a sense of the process and the journey.". Well, I'm sorry to say it didn't.

What it did do is give me a sense that I never, ever, want to see any "performance poetry" in my life. As, from reading his site, I can only assume "performance poetry" is all about terror, the war on terror, bombs and Muslims.

And as for his process and his journey all that seems to involve is looking up Wikipedia for info about whatever made the news that day.

Wot I Fink has been going strong since the 30th of July this year and has already attracted 845 hits, and a few comments. Which isn't bad going at all.

But this is the kind of site I abhor, some chump regurgitating the six o'clock news before adding their own theories, and opinions and facts (irrelevant or otherwise) to the mix. It's the electronic equivalent of being cornered by a drunken bore at the pub.

I did manage to find some unintentional humour there though, although this was due to a couple of improbable "google ads" that have been matched to the site rather than Eerore's "wordz" or anything he fought, funk or finked. To save you going there I've reproduced them here;

White Slavery - Great deals on white slavery. Shop on eBay and save!
See the Video - Torture & forced confessions alleged at Guantanamo!

So, if yet another media-commentator/issues-based blog is your bag, then by all means check out Wot I Fink. Eeore's lengthy ramblings are updated frequently.

But here's wot I fink;
1)If you want to be taken seriously learn how to spell.
2)If I read a poem aloud to someone would that make me a performance poet?


So, all in all an absolutely appalling, and fruitless, trawl through the "Blogosphere" in search of fellow Fink brothers and sisters.

As this is only the first few blogs that my search turned up, and there's still plenty more left to visit, this will now become a permanent feature of Finksville's regularly scheduled programme.

So be sure to join us for the next fascinating instalment of Finksville's BlogTrek, where I'll reveal which riveting blog this little gem comes from;

"Yesterday I vegged out mostly and did my laundry"

Can't wait for BlogTrek: The Search for Fink - Part II? No problem. Click here